No, no, no. Not the workout kind. I have long since come to terms that I am the chubby friend but don't feel bad for me.....I'm HELLA cute so I don't in no ways feel bad about it. Lol.
I'm talking about mental dexterity. Mental flexibility. The ability to allow yourself to not be perfect. I just recently had a conversation with my cousin about how her sister was stressed out about a shipment that caused her orders to clients to be delayed. I had to chuckle just a little bit. Not because it was funny but because not too long ago I was in that exact same situation.
Last year, right after our move to Georgia when the business had just started to really get going, I had a rude awakening with just how unfamiliar I was with the four thousand and fifteen degree heat that is Georgia. I shipped out about thirty packages containing my ever popular whipped body butter(yeah, you should probably check that out) and about half of them reached their destinations looking like a jar of just......man, it was hella melted. Most of my customers are familiar with how natural ingredients work and knew that though the appearance was different, the quality was still there and it just required a little cooling and a quick whip with an electric mixer. Others were disappointed, as they should be, which fucked me up mentally and emotionally. I LOVE making people happy so I was in a bad space for a hot minute.
I called a good friend overseas and BROKE. DOWN! But like any true member of my personal tribe she helped me get my shit together with the quickness!!! As a successful business owner herself, she first had me acknowledge that I can not control everything which was a hard pill for me to swallow (if you've been tracking.....I'm a Virgo). We then broke down what the problem was, I resolved that I couldn't change it, we came up with a viable solution and I vowed to never enter into the sunken place pertaining to things that I had no control over.
All that to say this: when it comes to school, your home, kids, work and just LIFE in general, you have to learn to be easy on yourself. Shit happens. It's as simple as that. Acknowledge the lesson or be doomed to repeat it but don't get stuck in that place. It is dark and it will have you doubting everything you have worked so hard to accomplish. You've come way too far to live under a shroud of self doubt because all of this shit is uncertain. No matter how hard you work or want to people please you are never going to get it one hundred percent right ALL. THE TIME! It just isn't realistic. Be flexible so that you can enjoy and flex when it all comes together! You got this, Sis! Keep grinding, Brother! And don't EVER be too proud or feel so self defeated that you feel as thought you can not reach out for help.
AND anOther THING! One of the best pieces of advice that I have heard and received in my life was, "Never take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with". Don't rack your brain trying to break that down. Loosely translated: Seek advice and be mindful of the company you keep. Some of the same people standing in your corner don't want you to win and support doesn't always come from the people you think it will. I have found myself bending over backwards to support people who haven't thought twice about reciprocating. But you know what? That's fine, too. I'll contribute my time, energy and love where it is appreciated and keep it pushing. No love lost but lesson learned.
Ok. Dessit. I kinda got off topic a little but you get it. Be flexible and don't beat yourself up too bad. Lol. LOVE YOU!
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As we delve into this topic I am fully aware that we can go as deep as the ocean about the subject matter at hand, but this post is about one area in particular: Invites.
I consider myself an introverted extrovert. I enjoy my time alone wholeheartedly. I love being home, after all, I spent a nice amount of money on the purchase of said home and I damn well intend to enjoy it! I also NEED said time alone to hit the reset button. Being around too much energy all the time is mad draining and it would actually behoove some of you to just step away from the chaos from time to time, yourselves! But I also HATE being the center of attention! I remember having to travel to different schools and libraries to read my book to the kids and being a completely nervous wreck! Or being asked to the stage at several USO events or awards ceremonies and shooting my counterparts a look that said, "Oh, bitch you tried it! Wait till we finish up here!" Lol. Of course, they already knew how much I hated it which is why they did it to begin with. Us and our dark sense of humor. Gotta love it!
Then there were the people who absolutely did NOT believe that crowds or being called out for awards or asked to speak in front of groups gave me so much anxiety. Why? Because at the same time, I am a people person through and through! I live for one on one or small group interaction with the people I love and are most comfortable with and I become instant friends with anyone I meet, well, for the most part. I've said it before and I'll say it again; If we don't get along or I ghost you, you best believe you earned that shit! Either your energy was just wrong from the start or you showed me who you were and I believed you. Period.
Either way, what I've found is that my friends have become very comfortable hosting events and not asking me to attend. The consensus is this: We didn't think you would come. Um, 'scuse me?! First of all, did I want to attend? Probably not. Would I have come up with an excuse? More than likely. But should you have asked? Damn right, Ho!
Now don't get me wrong! I love my people and I know they love me but I love my solitude, too! I get them and I appreciate that they get me. But you could still ask a bih! Dang! Do y'all know how many times I've asked y'all mutha f*ckas out and prayed to all the good lords that you would have DECLINED the invite? Put that 'I HOPE they cancel' energy out into the atmosphere? Nope!
So do me the favor next time and just ask. I'm probably going to say yes and sound really excited and then have to "do something with my kids" when the actual date rolls around. But, still. Ask.......with absolutely ZERO expectation!
**For you super sensitive thumb thugs waiting to be all like, "That's rude" or "People may need a head count", please be advised that while there is some truth to this, I absolutely always show up for my friends when it counts and it is within my means. Also, fuck you!
LOVE YOU, Fam!!!
Ciao
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I'm going to make this one short and sweet.
I had someone ask me why I used profanity on my social media pages knowing that it may detract potential customers, all while looking at me like I'd punched their dog in the face. Me, being who I am, looked right back at them like I'd punched their dog in the face and explained that my purpose is to minister to my tribe through love, education, and laughter and that the people who were turned off by it were not my people and therefore not my concern.
We spend so many years trying to people please that we lose authenticity among our Selves. We stop listening to our intuition because the voices of naysayers and haters cloud our judgement and convince us that we don't know our own truth or that our own truth isn't as valuable as their wack ass opinions, options, or suggestions.
I shrunk myself down for over two decades before I had the courage to express and speak up for myself and you best believe that after all that time I have some shit to say! I didn't even discover that I was a real cusser until my early thirties and ain't no turning back now! Hell, even Spongebob Squarepants called obscenities 'sentence enhancers'.
I've ALWAYS felt like I was forced to live in a box! Always. My earliest memory was being in church at around the age of seven or eight and asking the pastor, "If Jesus was a Jew, why aren't we Jewish?" Instead of giving me an answer that would quench my ever growing thirst for knowledge, I was told that we are never to question the word of God, so I shut up did as I was told. That was the first time I recall making myself shrink into that box I mentioned. But let me tell you now about the time I specifically remember thinking that the box was some straight up bullshit!
I was sitting in either my American or English Literature class (yeah bitch, I'm college educated two times over) and the professor started talking about the literary canon. I distinctly remember thinking, "Who decided that THESE works be deemed more important than others?" Sure, I fucks with the Bronte sisters, Poe, Keats, Shelly and a few more (I consider any African/African American listed in the canon (Hurston, Hughes, Morrison...... to be the GOAT as well as Ralph Waldo Emerson and a few others, but I digress)). In that moment something triggered my seventeen year old brain and I decided that I would read, research, review and come to my own conclusions about, well, everything! I would stop letting people make decisions for me and I would start forging my own path. I would begin expressing how I felt and what was on my mind even if it wasn't the popular opinion (and most times it isn't), just so long as I wasn't PRETENDING anymore.
I'm still an Empath so I do tailor my truth based on who I'm talking to. I do have to be more sensitive to others at times because not everyone is built Ford tough. But that generally isn't an issue. I've never had a problem drawing people to me, it was the cutting off of the negative ones that I used to have the most trouble with. No worries, I'm better now. Lol
Okay, so maybe this wasn't as short as I thought it would be. But, basically, sometimes a "Please mind your business," doesn't hit as hard as a "FUCK OFF!"
Be blessed and shine love and light on everyone you come in contact with today! LOVE YOU!!!
*Sidebar: The canon refers to works of literature and poetry that are largely considered by critics and scholars to effectively represent a countries experience or perspective within art. While my, now, almost forty year old self can appreciate what it was meant to be, I still have my issues with it. That's growth. Lol
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I haven't been up here in a minute so to get y'all caught up I'm going to dive right in because something has been sitting on my Spirit.
The business is going well but like most small businesses operating in their first year, there is an ebb and flow. Some months are GREAT and others are like tumbleweeds floating across a desolate highway in the Arizona desert.
As a Being that thrives off of consistency, I decided to get a job to supplement income during the slower months, much to my husband's indignation. He has always been super supportive of everything I've pursued and the business is no different. He has always wanted me to focus on 'The Kulture Kabinet' and to stop trying to do eleventeen things at one time. But me being me.......I'm going to stop right there for the sake of time. Lol
Anyways! I accepted a job offer that I THOUGHT would be much like my role overseas as Site Director for the extended campus of a major university (I LOVED that job), but this was not. I stepped into the role with hope and optimism that I would continue to do outreach in the community, network and forge friendships with my coworkers. Again, not the case. Except for the friendship part! I did form a handful of friendships that will carry on well after I leave. Ok, so back to the story: Job wasn't what I thought, bunch of negativity in the office, aggressive budgets, too many childlike adults....you get the gist. So after two months I put in my two weeks notice.
I explained that I couldn't work in an environment that disrupted my peace and that I think my talents would be best devoted elsewhere. Everything was good and everyone seemed to understand, given that they, themselves, were aware of the vibe in the atmosphere.
I was leaving on a high note, minus the playful eyerolls from the friends that I made who didn't want me to part ways so soon, until one day when my supervisor called me lazy. Not aggressively or anything, but with a smile across her face in a joking manner. Mind you, before I put in my notice I was constantly being reprimanded for "trying to learn everything too fast and for trying to rush the process" so that I knew my shit and could contribute to the team. But now I'm lazy? Ok. First time was like, damn. But then it was said again a few days later and I'm like, "Hmm. Gotcha. That's how you feel?"
When I tell y'all that every ounce of care that I had for this position faded into the atmosphere like the end scene in 'The Avengers' when Thanos snapped that damn glove, BELIEVE that. Lazy? Firstly, I probably do more before 7 a.m. than most people in that entire building do in an entire day. My 24/7 consists of raising three kids who are active in three totally different after school activities, making time for my spouse, market and management of my book and for the business, and helping to organize, run and promote the Mother's support group (MINO, check it out on facebook) that I co-founded with muh bestest. Add to that a 40 plus hour work week..... it's almost laughable. I thought, "Wow, if you only knew." Not'a one of anyone who knows me would use that word to describe me.
I thought about all of the work I've done for other people, on behalf of other people, for my community and everything in between. I HAVE AN AWARD FROM THE DAMN PRESIDENT for fucks sake (not the President I wanted it from, but still)! But you know what? It'll never be enough for some people. That's a lesson I already knew but got reminded about with what felt like a hot slap across both the cheeks on my face with the utterance of that one word: Lazy.
It was the reminder that no matter what you do you will never be enough for some people and you have to be ok with that. You have to understand that the version of you that others see through their own lense does not define who you are and what you have to offer. Throughout the years I have been called many names but 'lazy' really irked me. I tend to maneuver in spaces differently because I want peace everywhere I go and I am self aware enough to know when I need to remove myself from areas that are not conducive to my spiritual, mental and/or emotional wellbeing. I see way more than I let on and I bite my tongue probably more than I should (my friends are probably reading that part like, "Bite your tongue? You tried it.). I tried to go above and beyond when I first started working there but with just one word, I had mentally checked out. And honestly, like I said before, the atmosphere was quite hectic and toxic so I was already standing with one foot in and one foot out by that time, but that word. Yeah, that word cemented my exit. And let me be clear, I am not at all upset with the person who said it. It is what it is.
Soooooooooo, as I enter into my last week on the job I will do whatever is asked of me by management and will then sashay my ass out the door on Friday at 5 p.m. with a smile spread wide across my face (seriously, I have no ill feelings for anyone there). My takeaways of the experience as a whole are: when it comes to trying to enter into/back into the work force, putting on dress clothes everyday and walking into an "office" will not ensure your peace. Depending on your situation, know what you will and won't/can and can't accept and don't feel like you have to settle (IF you don't have to). And secondly, I should have listened to my husband (fawk!) and trusted in myself and my vision because, Me, working for someone else is for the birds........unless there comes a point when I absolutely have to, then I gotta do what I gotta do. Work that pole, flip them burgers, or wait them tables, Boo!
Until next time: Peace, love and (I want to say burger meat so bad right now). Bump it! Peace, love and burger meat, Fam! Lol. Love y'all!
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It's that time of year again: Time to reflect on the three hundred and sixty something days that have past and set goals for the next three hundred and something ones.
That sounds good and all but, dang, sometimes setting a tangible goal for the WEEK seems hard enough. The thing about reflecting means that you have to take a good hard look at yourself: The good, the bad and the ugly. And 2019 was a muthaf*cka!
Sure, sure. There were a lot of great things that happened (and as bad as I don't want to insert a 'but' here.....) BUT there were a few shitty ones that happened also. On a personal level I have had to cut off some people that I held near and dear to my heart (one in particular). It hurt but was necessary for my mental and spiritual well-being. For my growth. I learned a long time ago that you teach people how to treat you and allowing someone that you care about to disrespect you because "that's just how they are" is not ok. I got through it and wish them nothing but the best.
On the business end I had a small setback that I stressed over WAY too much and for FAR too long. Because........perfectionism. Speaking of perfectionism, that is some straight up bullshit! It's unattainable. Unrealistic. And yet, we strive for it knowing this much is true. What in the entire hell? Even with people cheering, "You got this!" we still nitpick over the minute details that no one notices but us. Smh. I am going to quit overthinking things that are beyond my control.....well, that's what I'm going to tell myself until I actually believe it on a more consistent basis.
Even with all of the hiccups, I've LEARNED SO much! I've opened up to the possibility that being a perfectionist and control freak is not the only way. Learning to RELAX and live in the moment is ok. I've earned it and I'm WORTH it! There were a few times I wanted to quit and my husband said, "Babe. Chill out. You got this. It really isn't as bad as you think." I'm finally beginning to realize that he isn't as wrong as often as I like to give him credit for being.
And while reviewing all of this and reflecting on my own words about my experiences in 2019,I've decided that maybe this muthaf*cka wasn't that bad afterall.
Oh! I've also committed to writing more frequently that I do at this particular moment. I'm not going to say how often because y'all will throw it in my face if I miss the mark. Lol. Love y'all.
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It is way past time for an update. To fill you in: We just completed our transition back to the states, husband is back at work, kids start school soon and business is rolling!
*SN* That's an old ass picture I used as the cover so if you see me in the streets don't come for me tal'm bout I look like I gained weight. Mind ya business.
With that being said, while I am extremely grateful and happy and enjoying this ever so wonderful life of mine, I have recently found myself struggling to fight back a bit of anxiety.
These past few months have been overwhelming, to say the least, and I feel as though I've been handling this shit like a G! But when it comes to this aspect, the business aspect, this becomes another beast in and of itself. While I absolutely LOVE what I do, the expectations I place on myself start messing with my head.
I worry about letting people down. People not liking the products. And to keep it 100: Success! Sounds crazy, right? But it's the truth. I keep focusing on problems that I haven't even encountered yet and I justify it as me "preparing myself just in case". If you know me you know that that is WAY out of my character. I'm usually the one telling folk to 'hunt the good stuff' and focus on the positive. But trying to do all of this myself is a lot! Everything that you receive passes directly through my hands (and I LOVE it)! Every dime that has been invested in this endeavor has come out of my husband's check (can we give it up to that man. Damn. He is awesome!). But guess what? I wouldn't change one bit of it!
I know that this is part of the process and having that little bit of anxiety is only going to fuel me to keep doing my best! It isn't always easy but seeing and hearing from people I know my craft is impacting, solidifies that which I already knew: I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and am exactly where I need to be right now in life.
I am excited for all of my friends out here flexing their own entrepreneurial muscles and making things happen for them on their own terms. Keep it up, Family! I see you! Learn from the bad and revel in the good. You deserve this and know that I gotcha back!
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The Kulture Kabinet came into being years ago, really. I just didn't know why I was doing what I was doing or what would become of it.
I started taking a real interest in purchasing cleaners and medicines for my family that had the least amount of chemicals and ones that maximized the goodness that we needed. But to keep it quite frank, that shit started to get mad expensive! I still wanted the quality of the products but for a more reasonable price. The solution was to make it myself!
I started with the food we ate. I began weening out a ton of processed foods and started buying more herbs and spices and researching their benefits. After that, it was pretty much a wrap. I became something of a mad scientist: mixing and matching, boiling and baking, melting and freezing different oils and butters and herbs and spices to achieve the results that I desired.
I saw how my kids began getting excited about the process and wanted to help, so we started gifting bath bombs and soaps, initially, to friends and family who loved what we were making! I then purchased my first kombucha kit and fell even more in love with that process!
The SCOBY, or "mother", is a live culture of bacteria and yeast that is used to ferment kombucha. By the time my SCOBY collection had grown and my apothecary cabinet had begun to overflow with products and supplies, the name became crystal clear! The KULTURE KABINET!
I am enjoying everything about this company because it is what I was meant to do! Everything is created in small batches to maximize the quality of the items created. I am so excited that you are (still reading, for one) getting to partake in this journey with me. You's FAMILY, nah!!!
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I grew up on the Outer Banks of North Carolina in a VERY small town called Merrimon (haven't heard of it, that's ok, few have). My grandmother was one of my most favorite people on the planet. From as far back as I can remember she had always used the most natural and, dare I say, cost effective ways to treat our ailments. Like, seriously, I remember one of my cousins had chicken pox and they (grandma and her sisters, my great aunts) made her lie down in the chicken coup until a chicken jumped over her head. For that, they insisted, was how you get rid of the pox. Sure enough, she was healed a short time later. Whether it was the chickens or that the virus had run it's course, who knows, but that's what they believed.
Or the time my brother was riding his bike barefoot and fell and cut that super sensitive area underneath his pinky toe and was bleeding really badly and my grandma made us hunt down a spiderweb so that she could place it over the wound. Do you know how hard it is to find a spiderweb when you need one? Lol. By now you should be getting a sense of how wonderfully and amazingly country my upbringing was.
ANYWAYS, my grandmother always made things so simple. There was no real rhyme or reason as to why some of these things worked but more times than not, they did!
Fast forward and I've done the college thing, TWICE, and have a family of my own: A husband and three boys that I adore. Then and only then did I start becoming more mindful of what I put in and on my body (because now I am responsible for four MORE bodies). One that came with eczema, one that came with anxiety, and one that came with a smart ass mouth (I'm still working on an antidote for that one). I started realizing that there are chemicals in EVERYTHING! What we eat, our cleaning products, our water, our body products.....many of which were causing the very things that I needed to treat.
I started making (and truth be told, am still currently making) small adjustments and changes to our day to day routines and introducing healthier options into our life. I enrolled in school to learn more about herbalism and then began making my own products. At first it was just for my family, and then for my friends, and now to you...my extended family.
I am absolutely in love with the creative process and learning the "whys" of how certain plants and oils benefit us and help ease certain discomforts. I offer you these products with peace of mind knowing that I have used my family as guinea pigs for years! Haha! Thank you for visiting my page! Browse, become inspired, and SHOP!
With love and love and LOVE,
Aleena
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