2019.....Dis Bih Right Here.

Original post: 30 December 2019

 

It's that time of year again: Time to reflect on the three hundred and sixty something days that have past and set goals for the next three hundred and something ones.

That sounds good and all but, dang, sometimes setting a tangible goal for the WEEK seems hard enough. The thing about reflecting means that you have to take a good hard look at yourself: The good, the bad and the ugly. And 2019 was a muthaf*cka!

Sure, sure. There were a lot of great things that happened (and as bad as I don't want to insert a 'but' here.....) BUT there were a few shitty ones that happened also. On a personal level I have had to cut off some people that I held near and dear to my heart (one in particular). It hurt but was necessary for my mental and spiritual well-being. For my growth. I learned a long time ago that you teach people how to treat you and allowing someone that you care about to disrespect you because "that's just how they are" is not ok. I got through it and wish them nothing but the best.

On the business end I had a small setback that I stressed over WAY too much and for FAR too long. Because........perfectionism. Speaking of perfectionism, that is some straight up bullshit! It's unattainable. Unrealistic. And yet, we strive for it knowing this much is true. What in the entire hell? Even with people cheering, "You got this!" we still nitpick over the minute details that no one notices but us. Smh. I am going to quit overthinking things that are beyond my control.....well, that's what I'm going to tell myself until I actually believe it on a more consistent basis.

Even with all of the hiccups, I've LEARNED SO much! I've opened up to the possibility that being a perfectionist and control freak is not the only way. Learning to RELAX and live in the moment is ok. I've earned it and I'm WORTH it! There were a few times I wanted to quit and my husband said, "Babe. Chill out. You got this. It really isn't as bad as you think." I'm finally beginning to realize that he isn't as wrong as often as I like to give him credit for being. 

 And while reviewing all of this and reflecting on my own words about my experiences in 2019,I've decided that maybe this muthaf*cka wasn't that bad afterall. 

 Oh! I've also committed to writing more frequently that I do at this particular moment. I'm not going to say how often because y'all will throw it in my face if I miss the mark. Lol. Love y'all.