Original post: 15 March 2020
I haven't been up here in a minute so to get y'all caught up I'm going to dive right in because something has been sitting on my Spirit.
The business is going well but like most small businesses operating in their first year, there is an ebb and flow. Some months are GREAT and others are like tumbleweeds floating across a desolate highway in the Arizona desert.
As a Being that thrives off of consistency, I decided to get a job to supplement income during the slower months, much to my husband's indignation. He has always been super supportive of everything I've pursued and the business is no different. He has always wanted me to focus on 'The Kulture Kabinet' and to stop trying to do eleventeen things at one time. But me being me.......I'm going to stop right there for the sake of time. Lol
Anyways! I accepted a job offer that I THOUGHT would be much like my role overseas as Site Director for the extended campus of a major university (I LOVED that job), but this was not. I stepped into the role with hope and optimism that I would continue to do outreach in the community, network and forge friendships with my coworkers. Again, not the case. Except for the friendship part! I did form a handful of friendships that will carry on well after I leave. Ok, so back to the story: Job wasn't what I thought, bunch of negativity in the office, aggressive budgets, too many childlike adults....you get the gist. So after two months I put in my two weeks notice.
I explained that I couldn't work in an environment that disrupted my peace and that I think my talents would be best devoted elsewhere. Everything was good and everyone seemed to understand, given that they, themselves, were aware of the vibe in the atmosphere.
I was leaving on a high note, minus the playful eyerolls from the friends that I made who didn't want me to part ways so soon, until one day when my supervisor called me lazy. Not aggressively or anything, but with a smile across her face in a joking manner. Mind you, before I put in my notice I was constantly being reprimanded for "trying to learn everything too fast and for trying to rush the process" so that I knew my shit and could contribute to the team. But now I'm lazy? Ok. First time was like, damn. But then it was said again a few days later and I'm like, "Hmm. Gotcha. That's how you feel?"
When I tell y'all that every ounce of care that I had for this position faded into the atmosphere like the end scene in 'The Avengers' when Thanos snapped that damn glove, BELIEVE that. Lazy? Firstly, I probably do more before 7 a.m. than most people in that entire building do in an entire day. My 24/7 consists of raising three kids who are active in three totally different after school activities, making time for my spouse, market and management of my book and for the business, and helping to organize, run and promote the Mother's support group (MINO, check it out on facebook) that I co-founded with muh bestest. Add to that a 40 plus hour work week..... it's almost laughable. I thought, "Wow, if you only knew." Not'a one of anyone who knows me would use that word to describe me.
I thought about all of the work I've done for other people, on behalf of other people, for my community and everything in between. I HAVE AN AWARD FROM THE DAMN PRESIDENT for fucks sake (not the President I wanted it from, but still)! But you know what? It'll never be enough for some people. That's a lesson I already knew but got reminded about with what felt like a hot slap across both the cheeks on my face with the utterance of that one word: Lazy.
It was the reminder that no matter what you do you will never be enough for some people and you have to be ok with that. You have to understand that the version of you that others see through their own lense does not define who you are and what you have to offer. Throughout the years I have been called many names but 'lazy' really irked me. I tend to maneuver in spaces differently because I want peace everywhere I go and I am self aware enough to know when I need to remove myself from areas that are not conducive to my spiritual, mental and/or emotional wellbeing. I see way more than I let on and I bite my tongue probably more than I should (my friends are probably reading that part like, "Bite your tongue? You tried it.). I tried to go above and beyond when I first started working there but with just one word, I had mentally checked out. And honestly, like I said before, the atmosphere was quite hectic and toxic so I was already standing with one foot in and one foot out by that time, but that word. Yeah, that word cemented my exit. And let me be clear, I am not at all upset with the person who said it. It is what it is.
Soooooooooo, as I enter into my last week on the job I will do whatever is asked of me by management and will then sashay my ass out the door on Friday at 5 p.m. with a smile spread wide across my face (seriously, I have no ill feelings for anyone there). My takeaways of the experience as a whole are: when it comes to trying to enter into/back into the work force, putting on dress clothes everyday and walking into an "office" will not ensure your peace. Depending on your situation, know what you will and won't/can and can't accept and don't feel like you have to settle (IF you don't have to). And secondly, I should have listened to my husband (fawk!) and trusted in myself and my vision because, Me, working for someone else is for the birds........unless there comes a point when I absolutely have to, then I gotta do what I gotta do. Work that pole, flip them burgers, or wait them tables, Boo!
Until next time: Peace, love and (I want to say burger meat so bad right now). Bump it! Peace, love and burger meat, Fam! Lol. Love y'all!